


you are the dark part of the sun,

by literally_jams



Series: the mystery of stars running through your veins [1]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Jealousy, Loneliness, M/M, im sad!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 13:20:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14619399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literally_jams/pseuds/literally_jams
Summary: four times archie is jealous.





	you are the dark part of the sun,

**Author's Note:**

> i project on archie bc im sad! and this is probably out of character lol

_one:_

 

nothing in riverdale had stayed the same, except for one thing.

 

jughead didn’t share his food with anyone.

 

except for archie.

 

it was one of their unspoken rules, one that didn’t have a lot of discussion orbiting around, one that mainly took form in jughead subtly batting everyone’s hands away from his plate.

 

one day they’re at pop’s, and it’s the typical scene, four kids in a diner, filling up on grease and salt, drenched in neon red light. they’re laughing like everything is fine, like there were no murders, or fathers being shot, or drive-ins being shut down.

 

“-and he says, “the other shoe just dropped.” jughead said, telling them about a john mulaney bit about bill clinton, because as much as he claims he hates ‘mainstream culture,’ jughead is still as basic as they come.

 

just another thing archie finds endearing.

 

veronica laughs loudly and betty chuckles along, while archie smiles and tries to bask in the pure goodness of this moment. he’s with his favorite people, in his favorite place, eating food made from the hands of a god. it’s been a long time since archie’s felt like this, like he could finally breathe. he just wants to melt into the fake red leather of the booth.

 

archie reaches out to the left, reaching for a fry off jughead’s plate. he doesn’t think it’s a big deal, jughead never slaps his hand away, and archie knows he’s able to do it.

 

it’s not a big deal.

 

so why does jughead swat him away this time?

 

archie shouldn’t look into it as much as he does. jughead’s always let archie steal his food, so why couldn’t he do it now? did he do something wrong? does jughead not trust him anymore?

 

maybe it’s not that deep. maybe jughead was just _really_ hungry today. _it’s not a big deal._

 

archie’s mind can’t help to go to dark places, especially when betty reaches across and steals a fry with the confidence archie had a second ago.

 

jughead doesn’t bat an eye, keeps listening to the story kevin’s telling.

 

so much for basking in the goodness.

 

_two:_

 

a month later, two couples have emerged from the dirt.

 

archie and his boatload of underlying self-esteem issues paired with unhealthy coping mechanisms, and betty and jughead.

 

betty and archie are in his room, betty on his unmade bed and archie sprawled on the floor.

 

before, she had texted him, “can i come over?”

 

he really didn’t want her here, but any excuse to not feel like a useless failure, right, archie?

 

he responds with a “sure!” and here they are.

 

betty’s talking about how over the moon she is for jughead and god, does archie wish she had gone to kevin instead. it’s a selfish thought and he would never voice it to her. another selfish thought is how part of him wanted her here so he could feel like someone needed him, but another voice says they really don’t. everyone else was just busy.

 

“archie?” betty says, when she notices that archie wasn’t responding.

 

“yeah? sorry, i’m a little tired.” he’s lying and he doesn’t do a damn thing to cover it up, in hopes that maybe she’ll ask him what’s wrong.

 

“it’s fine. anyway, i think this could be really serious and…..” she keeps talking but archie can’t focus on her voice.

 

of course she wouldn’t care about what he feels. the only person who ever did was jughead. the only person who ever does _is_ jughead. he still likes archie, right?

 

“archie,” betty says.

 

“betty,” he replies easily, wanting to forget about the ache in his chest.

 

looking him in the eye, betty says “i’m in love with jughead.”

 

archie expects a wave of aquamarine sadness to hit him, but instead, he is filled with anger the color of his hair.

 

archie knows it’s wrong to think ‘you’re in love with him?’ he knows it isn’t right to think ‘she doesn’t know anything about him!’ sure she knows his story, but she doesn’t know jughead. she doesn’t know that he wants to visit seattle one day, or that his favorite salad dressing is thousand island with honey. betty doesn’t know jughead the way archie knows him.

 

archie knows jughead in and out, the feeling of his skin, his different smiles and what they mean, his mood based on what he ordered at pop’s that day. he knows jughead better than anyone else and in return, jughead knows archie better than anyone else.

 

jughead knows about archie’s pressure to succeed, fear of letting down his dad, abandonment issues from grundy and his mom.

 

they know each other better than the back of their hands. archie intends to keep it like this way.

 

‘she’s in love with him?’ he laughs to himself. she might be infatuated with him, or in love with the idea of jughead but she isn’t _in love_ with him. archie is in love with jughead. jughead is archie’s and archie is jughead’s.

 

but maybe if archie really loved jughead, then he would want juggie to be happy, right?

 

he’s always going to put jughead’s happiness over his own. “that’s great, betty!” he puts on a sweet smile and betty looks right through it.

 

(she doesn’t care enough to pry about his feelings.)

 

_three:_

 

a while after, they’re sitting in the student lounge. veronica’s in an armchair, archie with his feet propped up on the table next to kevin, and betty and jughead sitting together.

 

betty’s talking about polly and lately archie’s been noticing how annoying she’s gotten. archie’s always loved betty in the way childhood friends do-  pure, sweet, they fit together like puzzle pieces. or at least, he was supposed to love her like that. archie knows his place and still never does what he’s told. he knows he’s supposed to love betty like a friend, not resent her for being too selfish or inconsiderate or uncaring. (this isn’t the betty cooper he knows. where did she go?)

 

archie knows he’s supposed to love jughead like a brother and imagine them playing pool together or playing video games and other masculine bro things. he isn’t supposed to imagine what it would be like to kiss jughead when he’s talking too much, or lay his head on jughead’s shoulder. archie knows his place but god, he can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to be happy.

 

betty is still talking about polly with a sad look on her face, to which jughead responds to by putting an arm around her.

 

archie knows they’ve been a thing for a while now. archie knows a lot of things. he knows that everything he feels is always _wrong_ , and that he feels dirty for feeling this way.

 

but sad jealousy and self-pity fills him up like a pool of water. he’s looking around and catches veronica’s eye. she’s as uncomfortable about it as he is.

 

archie wants jughead to love him so badly it hurts most days. archie knows that they aren’t going to end up together- this is not how their story goes. archie knows that there’s a million reasons why he and jughead aren’t meant to be.

 

jughead has a lot on his plate. he doesn’t need archie’s own bullshit, too. jughead can’t worry about archie’s stupid fear of being good enough for anyone and other meaningless shit he has bouncing around in his head if archie doesn’t talk about it anymore.

 

jughead deserves better than archie. archie isn’t _whole_ , archie isn’t beautiful and extraordinary like jughead is. archie was the boy stupid enough to think his music teacher thought he was more than sex. (even archie thought he was worth more than sex. he’s always wrong.)

 

jughead deserves someone that makes him happy. archie can’t do that, as much as he tries. with his track record? everyone always leaves. everyone is always disappointed in him.

 

god, there’s no one he hates more than himself.

 

_four:_

 

spring break: archie works most of the week away at the construction site, saving up money for his future and some reckless spending.

 

his dad gives him friday off to enjoy his last day to hang out with friends or sleep in or whatever he wants to do.

 

archie’s walking vegas home, earbuds in, letting his mind wander.

 

there’s multiple random thoughts. “i wonder what dad ate for lunch today,” “is veronica free?” “my shoes look so nice today,” and finally, “what’s everyone else doing today?”

 

his plans are to get home and change into some comfy pajamas, binge watching the food network and stuffing his face in kraft mac and cheese. while that sounds absolutely great and much deserved and needed, it’d be nice to see his friends. it’d be nice to lazily throw ball with reggie, or watch a movie with kevin and veronica.

 

it’d be nice to see jughead.

 

his feet take him home anyway, years of routinely walking home becoming clear.

 

it’s not until a few hours later, where he’s scrolling on snapchat to see that jughead posted on his story.

 

archie taps on it and sees a video of jughead shirtless, hair wet and skin glowing.

 

he looks beautiful, archie thinks.

 

the camera pans to a pool behind him, with white tile and gold trim, veronica’s pool, his head supplies. then there’s a shot of betty in the water, laughing with veronica. they’re waving at the camera. off to the left is reggie, josie on his shoulders, then cheryl and toni sunbathing. melody and val at the speakers. there’s so much noise and pure joy that archie smiles to himself.

 

just for a quick second. then he remembers, that this is a pool party, a spring break pool party, hosted by one of his best friends, veronica.

 

and they didn’t invite him.

 

yeah, they knew he was working. yeah, they couldn’t have known that he’d be off today.

 

but just asking him couldn’t have hurt, right? at least give him a chance to decline. at least give him a sign that they cared about him. (they didn’t invite you because they _don’t_ care about you! the ugly, insecure, jealous part of him said)

 

all of his friends. his best friends. his best friend.

 

not one of them thought “maybe archie would want to come!”

 

not even jughead.

 

(it was only a matter of time before he realized he was too good for archie.)

 

he feels unsettled, wounded, heartbroken.

 

he feels pure _hurt_ tense up in his chest.

 

usually, if anyone else was in his worn and wearied shoes, they’d immediately confide in one of their other friends, most notably archie, who apparently turned into their fucking therapist.

 

what should he do? or rather, what can he do? all his friends are at this party. everyone but him. he has no one to turn to. not even jughead is there for him. his own best friend, the apple of his eye, the love of his life. not even he wants archie anymore.

 

archie goes to bed early that night, and if a frustrated sob finds its way out of his mouth, that’s no one’s secret but archie’s.

**Author's Note:**

> the title, dark parts of the sun, means that archie is the sun but not this romanticized pop culture version of the sun. he shines bright, yes, but he doesnt know that. he’s the sun- he gives and gives and gets nothing in return. he’s the sun- he is always there, he is a constant, but no one appreciates him. archie embodies a broken sun, an insecure sun. this is an inside look to the dark part of the sun that others dont see.


End file.
